Yesterday I and Jade conducted some intensive analyses of our situation. After all, we are smart MBA students and we should have a solution to every problem on this planet

Our study:

It’s easy to see that in spite of all the talk about development and modernization, men still see women as a source of entertainment. So why will a man bother to spend his time and energy on working on a serious relationship with a bright women when there are hundreds of women willing to spread their legs for things as cheap as a drink or two. And also there is this big thing that a guy has (No girls, not what you are thinking about) —his ego. He will not tolerate that his girl earns more than him. And then comes commitment-something which invariably all men are scared of…He will get into a wedlock but only to women who are submissive. No matter how liberal a society and its people claim to be, a man still wants to marry a women who will treat them as their masters. So, we concurred that all these factors are keeping us from getting our dream man

Our statistics:

Out of all the men in this world, 50% are insecure and wont be able to handle the pressure of going around with a women who is intellectual and as successful (in some cases, more successful) as him. Out of the rest, around 20% fear commitment and are more interested in a fling (Don’t want you for a weekend, don’t want you for a night. I am only interested if I could have you for life), 14% are gays, 5% are not good looking, 6% are dumb and 4% are not rich (and will probably parasite on our hard earned money). This leaves 1%. So, we effectively have only 1% of the available species who might be a prospective match.

Our conclusion:

Our being smart and intelligent is proving to our disadvantage. Guys are threatened by successful women. They would prefer pretty-dumb women (pretty as in beautiful and hot).

Oh God, please please please invent a man who is hot, reasonable, and capable of handling me and my brilliance. Until then, ill go try to catch a glimpse of my crush who will probably be hanging in the cafeteria with his girlfriend-all good guys are either gays, or are already taken!

Anyways both of us took some severe assaults on the man front and decided it was time to get a life and stop thinking about these guys so much. We were sure it was business as usual for them while we were here behaving like frantic women analyzing their ridiculous behavior.

Lapiz happened upon the answer to drive us to action – the secret! Yea apparently it’s been passed through the ages and all successful people know it. Well no wonder we were having man problems! We didn’t know the secret! And I might only be 1/3 successful because I only watched 1/3 of the video. To be honest it’s really just the power of positive thinking. I don’t know if I go in for all that mumbo jumbo about the universe aligning to give us everything we want through the power of positive thoughts. But hey positive thinking sure makes you feel…well…um…positive.

At the same time Lapiz was making this discovery I was making a little discovery of my own. I had just finished reading Inc. magazine’s feature article about “How Joe Cirulli turned his last 12 cents into a $17 million company” driven heavily by the power of positive thoughts. Coincidence? I think not! Lapiz had just watched about the importance of writing down your list of goals and I had just read about the same thing with Joe. The message was clear – we too had to write our own list of goals! What else could the universe be telling us? So off we ran to Starbucks only to reach 15 minutes before closing time. No matter, we were on a mission. We decided that we would sit outside where we could be at one with the universe. Actually I made that up…by the time we were done ordering the place was just about to close but it sounds like a very “Secret-like” answer.

We set to the task at hand but merely babbled about stuff in our lives until the Starbucks employees came and locked up the outside chairs. We decided to find a new location outside. A bench was the perfect answer plus it came with a view right into a guy’s apartment. He happened to be walking around with no shirt until he caught us staring…hahahaha. Then the poor soul must have felt violated because he quickly ran for a shirt.

With our eye candy gone we set to the task at hand again, only the bench was causing my butt to itch. We decided the best place to right this list was back in our apartment where we had first begun this impassioned mission.  Despite the apparent time it took to get our lists on paper Lapiz and I are now the proud owners of two lists each – one outlining our blessings, the next our desires. We intend to stick this on our walls as reminders.

As a bonus to this post (as if I haven’t given you enough self-help material) I’d like to direct you to a post I found particularly fascinating. Hope you enjoy! http://www.escapefromcubiclenation.com/get_a_life_blog/2008/07/sick-of-feeling.html

Here is a snapshot of the free training (complementary yet mandatory lessons) that you get in a B-school.

Lesson 1: How to smile: Smile, Smile until your cheek hurts. Smile at people you love, smile at people you hate, smile at people you loathe, smile at the asshole you hit hard on the face in your dream last night. After all you are just building your relationship with some of the finest people in the world..People who might one day own castles and business empires—MBA teaches you to network!

Lesson 2: How to pretend that you know everything: In other words, how to pretend that you are GOD. So if anybody asks you ANYTHING about ANYTHING, you will HAVE an answer. Most of your answers will begin with “It depends!” and a serious heavenly look but at the end of the conversation you will lose track of what you were saying. The listener will probably also lose track of what you are saying, so at the end of it all, he will think that you must have said something really really smart for him not understand that—MBA teaches you how to bullshit

Lesson 3: How to make people feel that they are a piece of shit when compared to you: At the end of this 2 year course you will be an expert in making people feel that you are a high-worth individual (intellectually) and giving such looks to people that would make them feel inferior and want them to dig the ground and vanish or make them wish they were not alive. To lesser mortals , the course teaches you how to sustain and survive those looks!—MBA teaches you to be a survivor.

                                               Stay tuned for more lessons..

Before my internship I use to think that riding the bus was such a thoughtless exercise but no. Riding the bus for me has become a strategic exercise in matching the appropriate response with the bus driver’s comments. This is hard work! You don’t want to match a laugh with a serious story! Sometimes I get really lucky and someone else gets on the bus and I’m able to take a mental break as the driver shifts focus to the other person. But you know what I realized? These people do the same crap that I do. It takes one to know one and I see them with their “oh really’s” and aptly timed laughter. They can’t escape my keen eye. Five weeks on the bus and I’m an expert at identifying the fakers.

Over the weeks I must tell you that I have become a lot better at understanding my bus driver. My secret? Experimenting with different seats on the bus. There are certain locations from which you can hear him a lot better. In these strategic positions I estimate I only have to employ my matching strategy 25% of the time. Now how’s that for a keen MBA student? I feel I should obtain legal rights to this strategic process and roll out an educational package for those interested in learning how to have a conversation with drivers who are difficult to understand. Spin off products will include having a conversation with people who are difficult to understand and faking a conversation when you’re really not interested. Any takers????

But I am glad it’s over…at least she won’t bother me every 10 minutes asking the same question over and over again..”Does he like me?” “Do you really think he likes me?” Frankly speaking, I don’t even think her ‘secret admirer’ (if our guess is correct) was worth it..Who would want to hang out with a guy who is secretly admiring another guy right???

May be we should have asked that elevator-guy…There was this guy who bumped into me twice in the elevator inside our building. The first time he told me (a complete stranger mind you!!) that I shall get a boyfriend soon. Imagine an old fat man meeting you in an escalator (all huffy and puffy!!) and telling you that “you shall have a boyfriend soon”!! out of the blue..and I did have a boyfriend soon (just a couple of weeks after that incident).And the second time he only had this much to tell me–”You are fast, but you are good!” I still don’t know what it means but at that time the vulnerable me really really liked the comment(compliment??)..even if it didn’t make any sense….

I came to business school in the US all bright-eyed and bushytailed expecting to take on the world. I expected to find hugely passionate and exciting classmates that were ready to do great things and expand their cultural boundaries. I expected that we’d all be a tightknit bunch that supported each other in our lofty career aspirations. As a single female I expected self-assured, confident, intelligent men that knew how to treat women like ladies.

Obviously someone should have told me I was watching way too much TV. So far my experience has been much like going back to highschool. Cliques of students who dare not to venture beyond the safe boundaries of their groups unless forced to collaborate on a project. And you better not get stuck at any formal function with a particular clique of which you are not a member because they will ignore your a$$. Grown men sending grown women as messengers of their secret love but failing to reveal their identity. It’s been 8 months and I still don’t know the identity! So much for the home of the brave. Finally, few care about making great strides in the world. These people want a nice job at a nice firm to carry on with a nice life. I know I know, everyone is entitled to their nice life. I just thought MBA students would have been more……scintillating. And geez for all the networking they preach to you at b-school you’d think we’d at least network amongst our own class!  

This experience has however taught me a few great lessons. People are just people, nothing more, nothing less. And wherever you go you’ll just find all types. You’ll find your scintillating, your cliquey, those on the pursuit of greatness and those who want to keep things simple. It’s not for me to pass judgement on people whose aspirations are not my own but perhaps to find other likeminded people and forge lasting bonds. It was silly of me to think that everyone here would be the same and be driven by the same ideals. In fact it’s the very diversity of the class that helps to keep things interesting and gives me something to write about.